There has been some grumbling, and whining around the word " Kingdom " the language and it's use, like ( here ) and ( there). For some it's just not culturally relevant enough...and for the Evangelicals are fearful it's just too liberating. So some, figure people just aren't smart enough to get " it ", and the others its just too grace-filled, like a house with an open door that " anyone ' can walk into. So, here is my attempt to help these people fix the problem of the " Kingdom."
So really if we really want to solve the problem you can't just do a patch job like repairing a leaky roof...as Mike Holmes says, " gut it ", you have to go right back to the start. Now, I'm not going to re-write the whole Bible...I could, but I'm not. I'll just sort of pour a foundation we can build on. Well, hang on, here we go...the beginning.
In the beginning God was lonely, productivity between the other 2 partners was down. Not much was happening except grumbling. The Spirit guy was like he had ADD, just couldn't settle down. " Let's build something ", the Spirit said. The Word guy, " OK, I'll say it and you build it."
Finally there was some creativity among the three partners.
God said, "Light!" And light appeared. God saw that light was good and separated light from dark.
God named the light Day, he named the dark Night. It was evening, it was morning—Day One. " Now, we will have daily sales, weekly sales...seasonal sales " God looked at what he made and said, " This is good...very good."
God thought. " Land to develop!" And the Word guy spoke, " Bulldoze." And the Spirit guy, frenzied went into action. There was dirt flying every where in all directions. " Not good enough!" shouted God. The Word guy stuttered momentarily, but out came the word, " Pavement." Again, the Spirit guy brooded over the ground waving is arms, and suddenly like rolling out carpet, there was a hard surface. God smiled, scratching his head and suddenly shouted, " Parking lot." Day Two. God looked at what he had made and said, " This is good...it is really getting good."
God thought, lost for words put his hand over his head, then moved his arms along his side. Frustrated like a game of charades, shouted out, " sounds like?" Mr. Word, excitedly jumped up and down, shouted, " Building!" Again, like a kid that had eaten far too much candy Mr. Spirit was spinning like a hurricane. Suddenly, there was an enormous building that seem to spread out for miles. God looked on amazed and said, " Yes!...W-mart." Day Three. God looked at what had been made so far and said, " This is better than good...this is freaking awesome."
God looked on stroking his long white beard, " It's a lot of empty space." Mr. Word closed his eyes as if imagining something . Suddenly, out it came, " lets fill it ", he proclaimed, " With stuff, crap and all kinds of junk." Suddenly, there was screaming and yelling, his body twisting and contorting like a crystal meth addict, Mr. Spirit was moving like the wind in and out of the W-mart. In a matter of hours it was filled with everything and anything imaginable. Again, God gave the partners the thumbs up and said, " Merchandise." Day Four. God looked at what had been made so far and glee-ly rubbed his hands and thought, " Marketing!"
Day Five was not a very creative day but it was productive. It was a round table discussion of what to do with this huge mega-building of stuff, the utopian garden, W-mart. The three partners wandered around the immense building, aisle after aisle counting and taking stock, and puting price stickers on all the merchandise. It takes a lot to impress this tri-union business team, but, they were astounded at what they had built. But they were still stumped as what do do with their creation. So God said, " let's call it a day." Day Five. God looked around at what he had made, his eyes flickering like candles ready to go out...suddenly he was snoring.
God dreamed all night, but in the morning he awoke bright-eyed and refreshed. He quickly nudged the other two partners waking them up. He then shared his dream, " let's make people that sort of look like us, but that aren't as smart...and really like the stuff in W-mart." Mr. Word looked at God, then at Mr. Spirit and said, " lets call them consumers." So God dug his hand in the filthy dirt and dug out a clump, coughed on it, threw it down. And there before there eyes stood the first consumer. Day Six. God looked around at everything he had made, and then looked at the first consumer and smiled from ear to ear saying, " I have a plan!"
This was the end of a busy busy week, so God said, " Let's rest...before we put our plan into motion." Day Seven.
God looked on at the male consumer wandering around W-mart confused and frustrated not knowing what to buy. This saddened God, but not only that, he was loosing on everything the partners had invested in. So he said, " It is not good for the male consumer to be alone, he needs a partner." So God created the female consumer...the ultimate shopper.
So God took the two of them aside and said, " all this is yours to manage...everything in the Mall." " But what ever you do, by no means open the safe in the middle of W-mart that contains the book of Knowledge, " The Perfect Business Plan ", God said looking at them sternly, " For if you do, you will surely die." " Now go forth and multiply, fill the earth with more and more consumers."
I think we know what happened...they did open the safe. It was her fault, always just had to have the best deal. God threw them out of the W-mart. And they did multiply...but it continued to be a series of failed small franchises, mom and pop operations. Finally sick of the failed operations, poor productivity and no profit, God decided to erase everyone of the face of the earth. But while fluttering around the earth Mr. Spirit happened to notice one consumer with potential so he went back and told God about Noah and his family.
God spoke to Noah and told him of his plan to erase this lot of consumers from the face of the earth. God told Noah to build a super tanker and fill it with two of everything from W-mart. When the task was completed it would rain for forty days and forty nights, the earth would be flooded erasing the old lot of consumers. At the end of the forty days, the earth would dry again. But God would make a promise, a rainbow would appear to indicate it would never happen again.
But as always, it's a continuation of the same old shit, failure after failure...failed businesses, poor productivity and no profit. All through history God sends prophets, or shrewd business managers to steer the consumers back in the right direction. It doesn't help...the unruly consumers beat, them up, kill them...and just run some out of town.
As the hands of time keep ticking along and history unravels, things just don't get any better. Thinking back to the beginning God wonders if he shouldn't have mixed a bit more " smart " into the consumers. But finally fed up with all the crap that has been going on...he sends Mr. Word to speak some common sense into the consumer. Mr. Word shares this parable with the consumers from Matthew...
Here's another story. Gather around and listen closely. There once was a an owner ( God, creator), a shrewd aggressive business man, abundantly wealthy, who built a mall, W-mart ( creation). He fenced it, with a cash register and safe, and turned it over to the managers and consumers ( humanity ) and then left for a far away trip.
When the time arrived for it to bear profit ( the fullness of the Kingdom ), he sent his regional managers ( the prophets ) to check on them. But the consumers ( humanity, the empire, religion ) beat some and killed others. The managers/consumers grabbed the first servant and beat him up. The next one they murdered. They threw stones at the third but he got away. The owner tried again, sending more regional managers. They got the same treatment.
Finally, the owner ( God ) sent his son (Mr.Word ), saying, “Surely they will reverence my son.” But this was not the case. They laid hold of him, cast him out, and killed him.
"Now, when the owner of W-mart arrives home from his trip, what do you think he will do to the mangers/consumers?" ( my paraphrase Matthew 21:33-46 )
OK. No more " Kingdom Language " because people just don't get it, can't relate to it. From now on the new Kingdom...is W-mart. We all get that. Also, to avoid any connection with the old Kingdom language being too liberating...now it is serious business.
( Remember, this is satirical writing...put down your stones )
