I'm not an atheist, and I'm not a religious believer...I am

I've been on the margin of religion for some years now. In this self imposed exile, I'm misunderstood and usually avoided like an unpredictable crazy person. To strike up a conversation is like striking a match near a gas pump, it usually comes with a huge warning sign.

Here's my point, you may like your beautifully constructed theology, the creation script for life written before time eternal. The idea we as actors in this epic drama, we find our lines and play out our parts until the final curtain falls. It's not only the end of the play, but everything, the stage of life is destroyed in a catastrophic fire. And the only way to be saved, is to believe in the director/choreographer/producer's son and you'll be saved. Everyone else fueling the fire in some eternal furnace.

Yes, I believed in the script idea for awhile. Now, I'm kind of seeing everything as more improv, a drama that is evolving. It's the landscape of the stage in a state of constant change. It's reacting to the special effects. It's the idea if there is a choreographer/director we've not seen him. It's like profoundly, and suddenly it was scene one, and the curtain opened and we had to start acting...responding to everything going on the stage, the landscape of life. As quickly as it started, the director vanished, we had no script.

I deeply resonate with Jesus, the God-man, his humanly divine story in the gospels. I really believe if we lived out the redemptive imagination we see infused in the Jesus-life of the gospels we would see the dawn of a new creation, some profoundly more abundantly human, for all humanity.

But I don't believe in a personal deity, a god that "likes" some of humanity, and "dislikes" everyone else. I believe in some kind of entity on the otherside of the big bang, or the spark that ignited reality into being. Is it being, is it a force, is it energy, I don't know and I don't think it cares.

I don't believe any one sacred text contains the one wisdom for all humanity. I believe all sacred texts contain wisdom, but, not all of it. I believe both science, and philosophy offer wisdom to understanding reality, and understanding humanity's place in it.

I believe we as "humans" have a big role in this mysterious profound drama called "life." I don't believe the choreographer/director has a script in his hand with a plan to save us. Like I say, from the outset, from the opening curtain to this epic drama, as the drama has evolved, we have been given everything we need to change the play, change the future, or prolong it. The challenge is, whether we will be courageous enough to play our part.

Like I say I'm on the margins of religion, not an atheist, and not a religious believer...but I do believe.

Comments

[Erin Wilson]

It's an interesting place to be...the margins. I was finding my own kind of edges before I came to Iraq, before I fell in love with a Muslim, before I met some of the most kind and generous people I've ever known. As you described so well, it's been too much for many in my circle to take. It's a beautiful irony when my Muslim friends behave, by far, more Jesus-y.

Peace to you, Ron.

[ron cole]

Hey Erin, wonderful to hear from you. I love your story, it made me think of my experience many years back. It was truly a life change experience. I have never seen things the same since. Anyway, I hope all is well...love and peace, Ron.

http://thewearypilgrim.typepad.com/the_weary_pilgrim/2012/07/god-bleeds-across-borders.html

[Amy E Thompson]

Well put. I discovered your blog by searching Progressive Christianity, as someone who myself is trying to find my place on the spectrum of belief and unbelief. Not quite an atheist, not quite a Christian, somehow in agreement with both. Erin is right, the margins are an interesting place to be.

Glad I found your blog!

[Amy E Thompson]

Sorry, one more thing. I hope you don't mind my saying, but the slideshow at the top of your blog, while beautiful, causes the text below it to move up and down with the differing size of the photos, which makes reading the posts below it challenging. Clicking on the link to an individual post eliminates the problem, but is less convenient for the reader. Thought you might like to know.